Seasons

 I've got a lot on my mind tonight.  I really want to do a podcast...not for you, more for me, so I can just flow with my thoughts and see where they lead.  I cannot, as I'm living in very tight quarters right now and the rest of my family is asleep.  So typing must suffice.

I'm an opinionated dude.  I have my thoughts, I have my way of seeing things.  I'm not always right, but when it comes to politics, I often am.  I don't say this to brag, I say this as a fact.  A fact that with two bucks will get me a small coffee somewhere.  Being right in this day and age is as useless often as being wrong.  What do I mean by that?  No one listens to me.  My wife, my friends, my social media peeps.  Everyone has their strong opinions and very little changes them.  Heck maybe I'm not even often right, maybe just my own personal hubris blinds me to the fact that I'm wrong more often then I think.  I'm sure there is some of that, but I still stand by I am right more than I am wrong, and that in this age it is more of a curse than anything to celebrate.  It gets me nothing.  Nothing.

This new year holds unprecedented challenges for me.  I am unemployed.  I'm not a young buck anymore.  My appearance is slovenly and I'm the fattest I've ever been (and I've been way fat).  I left the work place voluntarily because my employer told me I was starting to suck, that they still liked me because I'd done such great work for them up till recently, and that due to them knowing I wanted to move back to civilization, they suggested I move back to the home office and give up remote working.  A huge redo of the company's products was about to happen and having me physically present to bat ideas around with was deemed a good thing.  There wasn't a time table put on this, heck they even gave me an OK raise, just that is ultimately what they wanted to see happen.  Instead, due to Covid-19 shutting the schools down, me having horrible health problems the six months prior, and I being extremely burned out at life in generally, I just said screw it and pulled the plug.  

So I would exit the work place and do great things.  I even proclaimed myself semi retired.  Well, let's fast forward nine months.  I did no great things, I need to get a job and fast, and I've regressed as a human being at almost every level.  I could go into it more but why.  Is what it is and I deal with the cards in my deck. 

My old company heard I was looking and gave me a call.  We hear you are looking and might move back to the Detroit meto (true). Why not just come on back and work for us again?  I said sure.  It was agreed I'd start in January.  I quit looking for a job and made plans to move.  Well, this week I got a call saying sorry but things have changed and they were unable to hire me back.  That is a whole post in and of itself.  Is what it is.  I lost about four weeks of job searching and four weeks of very low on savings (dumb on me) because I thought I had a job.  Now it is financial crunch time, do or be very sad and broke.  

Anyway, in the past, when I was about 28 or so, I got into the information technology world.  Up until that time I was a pretty avid computer and pen and paper rpg gamer.  I remember making the very specific choice to NOT get involved with a bunch of MMORPGs that came out at the time as I knew they would suck me in.  Instead I chose to study and try to advance my skills.  Maybe I was a little too focused and could have done both.  But I chose the most important to focus on.  

I bring this up because I'm thinking next year is the same.  I spend a lot of time researching what is happening in the world on a lot of levels.  What does that get me?  A little depression at where the world is headed, that is about it.  Maybe even a lot of depression.  Maybe it is time to dial back dramatically all the time I search for things online, reading RSS feeds and as time permits searching on dark topics.  Maybe I need to punt that stuff, and focus almost exclusively on getting my health right, providing for my family, helping my special needs kid, and trying to be in a position to where the little joys of life aren't all missed by me because I'm generally pissed off and down.  Time for a change.  Time to live by faith more, but real faith not some weird hyper optimism (more on that another time).

Some that know me will herald as a great thing me putting my research aside, but for the wrong reasons.  Some of them I might love and be very close to.  But they will never really understand that when they tell me this for the wrong reasons the contempt that I hold them for it.  No need to tell.  Not productive. It doesn't mean that I will stop being friends or loving them.  But I am so sick that everyone thinks they are my auto-peer just because they have an opinion also.  They are not a peer and will most likely never will be.  Not pride speaking, at least not exclusively.  They just never will be.  Again, it gets me nothing being a sage in some ways and they being pleebs.  Call me arrogant for saying it. Self delusional maybe.  Again, it doesn't matter.  The distinction, true or false, is only recognized by myself not them.  And again it ultimately doesn't matter. So what.  They watch NPR and CNN and listen to their friends who watch NBC and read the LA or NY Times.  How can I compete with that...

So, here I go, into looking at jump starting an IT career being older, usually a hard thing to do, or really focusing on what else I can do and embracing it full on.  I can't completely ignore what the idiots that my countrymen and women put into office (or the fraudsters put into office) are doing, as their seeming incompetence or semi-hidden malevolence affects me and mine directly.  But even if I know about it, ain't much I can do about it.  But I will keep a pinky in the mix I guess so I can at least try to know when things are going to hit so I can prepare my family for them. 

So, starting soon, I'm leaving the social media sh_t show behind, or at least outside, and moving on to hopefully bigger and better for my family.  It has been a wild ride...investigating the occult and NWO type stuff since I was 18 (really more like 12)...though I took a big break from that around when I turned 28 to focus.  The last 12 years I've been a link slinger, meme warrior, and opinion pusher as if it was a part time job. If I've changed one or two minds or reached even one for Jesus I'd be surprised.  Time to put my efforts into more fruitful endeavors for sure.  I have been threatening this for a few years, but now the season of change I think has finally come upon me.  If I am to be a little wise anyway.

Via con Dios my online truthers.  Romans 10:9-13.  If you get one thing right get that right. If you have that right, the rest ultimately will soon not matter.