This weekend sucked. Plain and simple. Sarah and I went off and got secretly married on November 10th of last year. We still wanted to have the big wedding to please our families, but word got out about our marriage, so we had to fess up. Many people where happy for us, while my mother I think took not being there pretty hard, and she was the last person I wanted to hurt over this.
Anyway, that wasn't the only news this weekend. On March 26th my friend, Glenn Sheridan Smith, would have been 42. Unfortunately, sometime within the three or four days leading up to that, Sheridan died. His mother found him on Tuesday, March 26th, 2007 after he didn't return any of her phone calls.
I met Glenn back in '97 while working as a contractor for Motorola rolling out software to hundreds of users. Glenn had just gone through a horrible divorce, and had decided to leave Illinois and move out to his mother's house to get a new life. He even started going by the his middle name, Sheridan, which is how I knew him. He and I hit it off right away, as we got each other's humor. One particular incident where I was about to explain a potential problem to my boss, and as I started to explain the problem I could see my boss's eyes glare over, so what came out was. "I was talking to some guys, and they were saying some stuff." Sheridan looked at me, "You just relayed absolutely no information." I replied, "I realize I'm being a little vague." And we both started laughing. From that point on Sheridan and I were good friends. We would laugh about that statement for almost 10 years after the it happened. Sheridan, myself and another guy named Todd became the three amigos working at Motorola.
Our jobs ended up changing, Todd and Sheridan had a falling out, and for about a year or so Sheridan and I didn't talk much.
Later on we again started hanging out and we would hit Scottsdale and try out luck at the bars. Usually we would end up drunk and walking back to Sheridan's new apartment to the drunken jeers of those stupid enough to drive home, where I would crash on his couch and wake up without sleeping very much and with a hang over. After a while I decided that this was getting me no where, and that deep down I was a Christian, and that there had to be a better way, so I rededicated my life to Jesus, and cleaned up my act somewhat.
Sheridan really needed a wingman, and I pretty much decided the bars at Scottsdale where a hopeless venture, so we pretty much quit hanging out. But we kept in touch.
Probably around 2002 Sheridan and I would make it a point to hang out once a month or so. I'd take him out to dinner or he would cook me a meal and we would talk about Philosophy, the darker sides of the supernatural, Christianity, and the Fortean. We would have a great time talking about things that few people outside of ourselves could talk about, and we would talk sometimes until the sun came up, Sheridan drinking beers and smoking weed, me relaxing with a coke sometimes quoting Bible verses. A weird set of friends, but our friendship was strong.
I ended up meeting Sarah, and in 2007 I decided to see where this relationship would lead so I decided to head out to Michigan. Sheridan needed a place to stay, and I needed a tenant, so I rented him my condo and struck out for the Midwest. Sheridan always paid rent (though rarely on time, no biggy).
My deep regret is that towards the end of his life, Sheridan got flaky. At the time I thought it was because of laziness, I really didn't understand that his health was as bad as it was. I knew he needed help, but I didn't think he was at risk of loosing his life. My last conversation with Sheridan was on I believe Thursday, March 20th, 2008. He said he dialed a wrong number, but I could tell he needed to talk. So I put aside business, and we talked. I'm thankful that I got one last time to talk to my friend. I was a bit heavy on the lecturing, but we talked a bit like old times. It was good to talk to my friend as a friend, and I hopped my lectures found resonance.
After that he quit returning my calls, and I thought it was because of the rent business. I ended up calling his mother and leaving a message. She got back to me Saturday, the 29th, and let me know that Sheridan had passed. She found him in my condo, a day before his 42nd birthday, dead. We are not 100% sure when he died, or what the exact cause was. The suspicion is that his death was caused by this-
http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/esophageal-varices/DS00820/DSECTION=9
The way his mother found him and his health history all point to this cause of death. It will be up to six months or so before the labs come back and we know for sure.
Sheridan lived a hard life. His parents divorced when he was young, and was often left alone either by himself or with his brother for days and sometimes weeks on end while he was little. When we was 12 he was running a raccoon skinning shop for his father, I'm sure a 12 year old kid in that sort of environment doesn't escape that without some sort of mental effects. Sheridan headed out to Arizona as a freshmen in high school, but for some reason moved back to Illinois with his father before finishing out the year.
Sheridan, like may people, discovered drugs and alcohol. The drugs were a passing thing, but the alcohol is what would eventually kill Sheridan. I think the addiction took hold of him sometime when he was going to college. Sheridan was brilliant, and managed to get a masters in molecular biology. He met his wife, Sasha, while in school, and I know he loved deeply. They were married around the time he got his masters degree.
I don't know what happened exactly, but I know Sasha lead a charmed life and success after college came easy for her, while Sheridan struggled. They were not only husband and wife but they were also peers. I think Sheridan's drinking really kicked in at this point, and a nasty divorce followed. Sheridan lost his wife, his life as a molecular biologist, and all his friends during the process, so he headed out to Arizona to start a new life, where I met him.
Sheridan had his ups and downs. He did extremely well at Motorola, making some gutsy political moves, like realizing he was going no where in his current position, so he showed up in shorts and a t-shirt, told everyone he was leaving, and ended up getting promoted beyond what our former friend Todd and others had obtained at Sheridan's expense. But the mistress of alcohol came back, and ultimately Sheridan lost his job, probably not due to the alcohol, but probably it was one more excuse that was needed to jockey him out the door in Motorola's politically charged environment.
He then worked at a Mac place, don't know to much about that one. The Sheridan found his dream job working at a school. He got plenty of time off, made good money, and really, really enjoyed his job. He also met another woman named Wendy, who he became engaged to. I never met her though I was slated be the best man at his wedding. The relationship broke up.
I think the loss of the school job, and to a lesser extent the loss of Wendy, marked the turning point for Sheridan. Reflecting back, that after this point in his life, deep in his soul he lost faith in life. He tried a few things, things that where outside of the box to try to get things on track, but they failed. After this point, I think that Sheridan was just dialing in his days till his death. Sure, he still wanted to enjoy life at times, but he rarely ventured out of his home, and pretty much financially he was living on the edge, so going out and spending money wasn't an option. He worked selling graves for about a year and a half, then ended up teaching biology at a school. I think his last job, though I think his health was going down to the point to where he was a shadow of who he once was, was the one he enjoyed the most. He really liked interacting with students, and if this job would have come his way earlier in life, maybe things would have been different.
People who loved him tried to get him to get help, but he was unwilling. My second to last conversation with him, after he had lost his latest job, he seemed to be about to the point where he might allow himself to be committed. If any of us would have known how bad things were, we would have acted. I will always feel some pain over this.
Sheridan at one point made a profession of faith in Jesus Christ. It is my hope, that when my time to leave the earth comes, that I will again see my friend, and we will have much, much to talk about. If I don't see him, his loss is suffered by the whole universe, from God on down to all His creation.
Sheridan had a sharp mind. He was one of the few people I knew who independently of religious upbringing had looked at the world, and its craziness, and realized on his own that there was more to the world then meets the eye. He was a fellow Fortean soul, and we would talk for hours about the meaning of life, demonology, ghost, politics, conspiracy, and general topics as to the nature of why people acted the way they did. These topics burn within me, but I rarely talk about them with anyone. Sheridan was one of the few people who was on the same page as I am about a lot of things. Sheridan dared to look beyond the Vail, he maybe didn't see the same things that I saw, but he looked. Looking takes a certain type of person, and we had mutual respect for each other and a sort of kindred spirit because we had experienced and thought about things that most people don't.
Sheridan did some things that many people where put off by, including myself. I'm not talking about the drinking, all of us including him knew that was a given that it was wrong. My lasting regret, and the one I take the most pain from, is that I sort of judged him on some of these things. Ultimately Sheridan was after just what we all want. A way to ease the loneliness. A steady job. A feeling of purpose. Finding the way back to God. Being loved. And loving someone else. Sheridan at points went outside the norm when traditional ways of meeting these needs failed him. I judged him for this, though I never verbalized it, I'm sure it came across in my attitude at times. I don't think God judged him for this. Sin is sin, but we are all sinners, even though some are better at hiding it then others. Sheridan had the guts to for things though unusual means. Others claim to not use these means because of morality, but really it was fear or lack of creativity. Sheridan in this sense was braver then most. And I think I misrepresented God to him about this at times. Sheridan, I love you man like a brother, and I'm sorry I came across the way I did.
Glenn Sheridan Smith. Raccoon skinner, minor league drug dealer, wood chopper, roofer, molecular biologist, lab worker, scare crow at a Halloween house, Netscape installer, Desktop support tech and dispatcher, meat seller, grave seller, and lastly, teacher, most of all friend, you will be missed. You were one of my best friends, and your loss will be felt for years, and I will think of you often. I still have more things to say to you, and more things to write to celebrate who you were. I'm sorry they were not celebrated so much while you were still here. My hope is that you will forgive me for this, as you are in a much, much better place, and you look forward to meeting me for one of our chats and dinners in an eternal dwelling.
Till we meet again.
Glen Sheridan Smith, 1966 - 2008
20 comments:
I still can't believe you are gone. At times I'm almost bitter about it...you wouldn't give up drinking, and it cost you your life, just like everyone warned you that it would. We both I'm sure just didn't think so soon.
You missed out my friend. The last few episodes of Battle Star Galactica are on now. I haven't kept up with the show, but I managed to catch the one where they find earth. It is a pile of radioactive slag. Interesting twist huh? Few more episodes to go, though I doubt I'll catch those. You should have stuck around and caught them for yourself. Anyway, this will be my final blog post farwell, but you still pop into my mind often man. You missed out on a lot of good things, though I understand that you had a lot of pain in your soul that made life almost unbearable sometimes. Still, you just about killed your mother, and you left others hanging. The condo you died in is being sold, and I will probably only see the interior once more in my life when I sign it over to someone else. One less strand to link the past, where you where, with the future, where the rest of us are headed. You fucked up big time amigo...and the more I think about it, the more I suspect you did it intentionally, at least on some level. No job, pressure for rent, pour health, not wanting to go through all the embarrassment of doing the whole job hunt thing over with a car that was on its last legs, debts, and health from alcohol abuse and pain meds that was getting so bad you couldn't really function in public. The sad part to me is that you burned a lot of bridges, else people would have been more apt to help. I feel like I could have read the signs more and would have been more apt to intervene, or try too, if you wouldn't have spurned advice and help time after time before. So when you were alone and needed real help, people weren't as watchful and missed it. I think you took your last paycheck, stocked up on booze and pain meds, and went to sleep. You fucker. You were a brillant man Glen, but you were also one of the most stupid people I've ever known. True, I shouldn't judge you, I didn't go through what you went through, or suffered what you suffered, but if you died without being accepting Jesus as your savior, you really, really, lead a total tragedy of an existence. My hope is the one time you accepted, even though you were drunk, was legit, and you were sealed with the Holy Spirit and your sins past, present, and future were forgiven in an instant. If you didn't, man once I get to heaven I won't even remember you. That sucks, but it is almost like you wanted to go out that way. We failed you somehow, so you took your presence elsewhere. I understand that, but I hope you didn't take yourself to an even worse place then you were at. Man that would really, really suck.
Via Con Dios (and I pray that is where you are). I will be in Phoenix soon. I will visit your grave and take you Mom out to lunch.
i knew glen .....
Glen may you rest in peace, i knew something was wrong i felt it in my gut, you were a great freind, i called to say hello the same day i found out you passed, I enjoyed our conversations, .... making sure you didnt reak of alchohol at school, i wish i was a better friend, i wish i called you more, you will always be in my thoughts, i knew what you were going through, you only wanted a friend... and i was too late. im sorry ......may you rest in peace
I know Sheridan really enjoyed interacting with students, and teaching in general. It is too bad he didn't find the teaching gig until he had already traveled down the path beyoned the point of no return. Baby Doll, we all could have been better friends to Sheridan at one point. But he knew what he was up against, and a lot of people over the years advised him to seek help. He came close, very close, a few times. It is a shame that no one stepped in. We wanted to many times. There was even talk of an intervention a few months before he passed. Sheridan's problem was that he could function at 50% of capacity more then a lot of people can at a 100%. This in a lot of ways was his undoing.
I'm sure he very much appreciated your friendship. Thanks for posting.
Well man, it has been over a year since your passing. You still haunt my thoughts, which I think you would find amuzing. You should have got help and stuck around.
In dark times I circle back to friends past. I understand your position a little more my friend. 42, lost everything, worst of all lost hope. I sympathize more with your plight Sheridan. Sorry I wasn't as good a friend as I should have been. And I say this for purely selfish reasons. I could use a friend myself right now, and in some ways I'm headed to where you were headed.
Not much has changed. I still haven't been back to Phoenix in over a year and a half. It will be strange going back. On thing that did occure to me is Phoenix wasn't a good spot for you. You would have been better off in Illinois.
More later.
You missed a lot in the last three years man. I think you would have enjoyed watching world events and how things that we knew about for a long time are starting to emerge from the shadows. A lot more info and a lot more awareness these days. But you know fully what I only know in shadow now. Still, you would have enjoyed seeing what is going on.
I also think even though the economy sucks right now with your out of the box thinking more opportunities would have been open for you.
Im a little upset, I knew him when he lived in il, i was his wing man at times
This just can't be true is it?
Glenn was my friend in Il, I couldn't reach him on the phone the other day, I haven't talked to him in a few years, we were life long friends, I was just calling to get an update on him. So I googled him and found this.
Sorry you had to hear about it this way, through some random internet post. Afraid it is very true though. If you knew his mother out in Arizona I think she wouldn't mind hearing that he is remembered. If you need info leave me a comment and I'll get you a way to reach his family.
I too knew Sheridan, we live in the same building in Scottsdale and often hung out. I was just googling old friends and came across this post. May he rest in peace and may others who suffer from the disease of alcoholism bear witness to this preventable tragedy.
J
Pretty Sad Sheridan, I drove by the apartment complex where you lived and they are tearing it down. For some reason that really bummed me out. I remember a lot of good times there eating and talking, walking home drunk but chickless numerous times to crash on your couch, and just that apartment complex for whatever reason being so much a part of your identity. The buildings still stand for now, but the place is fenced off and the driveway / pathways are all ripped up. Man there were times where I would head over to your place twice a week.
So much of Snottsdale has changed. The dynamics of the valley have shifted around, I don't really see it is the the place that it once was. Many other of the older buildings around down town are being torn down and rebuilt as well. The time when you were here is slowly being forever lost into the past. Seeing that apartment complex being lost reminded me of you. You still haunt my thoughts now and then, more so now that I moved back to the valley. You are still missed.
Five years Sheridan, five years. I don't think of you as often, but you still pop into my thoughts now and again. I am still sorry for the many small ways, and perhaps some big ways, I failed as a friend. You are missed.
Remember your theories on a holographic universe...I'm listening to some stuff now that you would have LOVED...I think if you would be alive today, with all the information available easily now, you would really enjoy all the various facets of reality that can be explored. But you are on the other side, you know everything that I'm left to speculate on. When I bump into this stuff I think of you Mr. Smith. Few people I could talk to about this stuff, you were one of 'em.
And another year goes by my friend. I sincerely hope you are in a better place. I don't think of you as often now but you still manage to slip into my mind here and there, especially when I'm near some of our old haunts. What is amazing is the world you lived in is pretty much gone...your Condo complex is torn down, down town has changed. The world is different too...I think you would have enjoyed seeing how thing are unfolding.
Still remembering you my old friend. I would have posted here on your birthday but I was looking under the wrong blog and thought I deleted this. Glad I didn't. You are still remembered and missed.
Sheridan, I still miss you. To be honest not daily or anything, but you still have a spot in my head and my heart man. I really wish I would have been a better friend. I let you down in some ways. I am sorry. I don't think that would have changed things, but it could have.
Anyway, Stella your dog last time I heard was still around and doing well. Your mom got another dog a few years back to keep Stella company.
Man I'm so sorry you died. I miss you. I enjoyed our friendship. I wish you would have been around longer. A close relative is in the same spot that you are in now. Both of you are great men, flawed, but still gems like we talked about in the past.
I am sorry Sheridan. And I miss you man. I hope to see you in an eternal dwelling in heaven soon.
Not much to say down here, I think you would have enjoyed the whole world it seems opening up to a lot of things we talked about. Down here you would have been 53.
I plan to give your Mom a call. She changed numbers so I might not be able to. She is doing well.
Until next time.
P.S., I did end up watching all of Battle Star Galactica. I don't really remember to much other than it was destiny that computers and humanity merge, be destroyed, and start all over again. A cycle kind of thing.
In your honor my friend I'm watching Babylon 5. I'm on season 5, I should have watched it while we could have talked as I would have had more thoughts on the show as I know we talked about it often. I liked the Shadow War, and thought the show maybe should have ended there. Finishing out the final season, I'll have more to say then.
AGain, especially tonight where you death is hitting me heard, I miss you. I hope to see you soon, not too soon, but soon.
Still pop in my mind after over a decade. I have another person in my life being taken down by the same thing that took you down. It takes some of the smartest and most unique. I think you both could beat it. But many don't. So in a twisted way don't feel like you are the only one that got taken out by alcohol and that you were deficient. You were not. It was the luck of the draw of flaws, we all get some, and yours was just a really hard one to overcome. More in March.
Fourteen years Sheridan. How time flies. I missed you on the 28th. But you have been in my thoughts lately. Maybe I'll ping your mother if I still can. Last time (which was a ways ago) your dog Stella was still alive. Perhaps she still is. I miss you man. I hope one day to see you. Life for me took a huge dump, divorce, relocation, debt. I have a son now. I think you would have liked him. World getting crazy, Russia invading Ukraine, pandemic paused but the push for universal health ID fascism still going strong behind the scenes. It is a crazy time. See you soon.
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