Remembering John Kerry

Found this in my email archives.  Leaving it hear for...posterity. 

Subject:RESUME OF JOHN F. KERRY

RESIDENCE:
7 mansions, including a townhouse in Washington DC, together worth an
estimated $74 million.

EDUCATION AND EXPERIENCE:
College:
I graduated from Yale University with a low C average. Unlike my
counterpart George Bush, I have no higher education,
and did not get admitted to Harvard University, nor was I fortunate
enough to graduate with an M.B.A.......

Law Enforcement:
I voted to cut every law enforcement, CIA and defense bill in my
career as a US Senator. I even ordered Boston to remove the fire hydrant in
front of my mansion, leaving my entire block without water in the event of
fire.

Military:
I used three minor injuries to get an early discharge from the military
and service in Vietnam. I then returned to the US, joined Jane Fonda
in protesting the war, and insulted returning Vietnam vets, claiming they
committed atrocities and were baby killers. I threw my medals over the
White House fence in protest - later changed my mind and said that I
had thrown someone else's medals.
My book "Vietnam Veterans Against the War: The New Soldier" shows how
I loath the American fighting man.

PAST WORK EXPERIENCE:
I ran for U.S. Congress and have been there ever since. I have no work
experience except for marrying rich women like my current wife Teresa.

ACCOMPLISHMENTS AS US SENATOR:
According to "Americans For Democratic Action", I set the record for
the most liberal voting record, exceeding even Ted Kennedy and Hillary
Clinton. I have consistently failed to support our military and CIA by
voting against budgets, thus gutting our country's ability to defend
itself. All though I voted for the Iraq War, now I am against it and
refuse to admit that I voted for it. I voted for every liberal piece
of legislation. I have no plan to help this country but I intend to raise
taxes significantly if I am elected. My wealth so far exceeds that of
my counterpart, George Bush, that he will never catch up. I make no or
little charitable contributions and have never agreed to pay any
voluntary excess taxes in MA, despite family wealth in excess of $700
million. Although I claim to be in favor of alternative energy
sources, Ted Kennedy and I oppose windmills off Nantucket and Martha's
Vineyard as it might spoil our view of the ocean as we cruise on our 
yachts.
NIMBY. Of course I oppose the Second Amendment and as soon as I am
elected, I will ban all semiautomatic weapons for hunting, target
practice and home defense. I favor registering ALL private firearms of
every type, and will push to have them stored under lock and key with
the local police - from where they can be "checked out" for a few
hours  by their owners for cleaning and safe target practice. If, of course,
the owners have a clean police record! (including no traffic tickets,
parking violations, barking dogs, etc.)

RELIGION:
I claim to be a Roman Catholic and publicly affirm that "life
begins at conception", but because I fully support "A Woman's right to
choose and abortion on demand" and vote for "Choice" in the Senate at
every opportunity, my Church refuses to give me Holy Communion.

PERSONAL:
I ride a Serotta Bike. My Gulfstream V Jet I call "The Flying Squirrel."
I call my $850,000 42 foot Hinckley twin diesel yacht the "Scarmouche."
I am fascinated by rap and hip-hop and you had better listen to it as
it reflects our real culture. I own several SUVs including one parked at
my Nantucket summer mansion, though I am against large polluting
inefficient vehicles and blame George Bush for the energy problems.

PLEASE CONSIDER MY EXPERIENCE WHEN VOTING IN 2004.